Everybody Loves a Villain
by Star Rhapsody
Summary: [Naraku x Everyone] He is just a beast. A plain sexy beast. [Crack!Fic][Oneshot]


**AN: **I'm sorry that some of you had to witness crap like this. It's a crack! fic needless to say. Just poking fun at the awkward pairings and how Kagome is paired up with almost everyone. So now Naraku gets some spotlight.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Inuyasha.

**Everybody Loves a Villain**

**I. Naraku and Kikyou**

He knew he had hit jackpot when the priestess of the village, Kikyou, decided it was her duty to help him. With the way he looked and all, like garbage that was forgotten, it was a shock when she came there every day in that tiny cave. Sure, her sister had some doubts of him…Not that she was in the wrong mind to do that, but hell, she wasn't important anyway.

And when he discovered that this Kikyou woman happened to be very powerful in the spiritual area and guarding the shikon jewel to boot, he knew he was lucky. Besides the whole 'being-crippled' subject. However, logic must've escaped his mind somewhere down the road when he thought it was a swell idea to go after said jewel.

But that hanyou had to get in the way of course. Whoever this hanyou was, he was annoying him. Taking away Kikyou from him like it was nobody's business! Either this hanyou was extremely good-looking or Kikyou was taking a pity trip on him. Well too late buddy! This cripple got her first!

This would be the point where he pretty much screwed up everything with a perfect 10.0.

**II. Naraku and Kagome**

So after hiding himself in some mountains for god knows how long, he decided he'd make his appearance with his much better-looking body. He was a lady-killer, sometimes literally.

And when he saw Kagome, that lovely reincarnation of the first woman he loved (and inadvertently killed), he decided she'd be the top choice. The wavy black hair, piercing blue eyes…Not to mention she looked pretty good when holding that bow and arrow.

It was a shame that she had to tag along with the hanyou. All she ever screamed were the four syllables he hated most, "I-NU-YA-SHA!" in the shrillest voice she could muster. Any attachment he had to her had disappeared right in those moments.

Except he couldn't deny she looked good in that skirt. There was no way she wore that for _school_.

**III. Naraku and Sango**

If he couldn't have the copies, he'd take the next best thing—the reincarnation's friend Sango. Sure they got off on the wrong foot, him taking control of her little brother, destroying her village…But in his defense, it made her a stronger person. She had a pretty nice record of living.

Her looks were fair, and that taijiya outfit sure made her look better…But to prove he wasn't just some sort of creep who went after a pretty woman, he decided he liked the moments he spent with her in the forest, her dripping with blood, the glow of a shikon shard present in her body.

There was a memory he was quite fond of, now that he looked back on it…

"_You look good for being all bloody…And the outfit…Love it."_

"_PERVERT!"_

At least he knew where she got her hitting skills when it came to the monk…

So when he decided he'd like to chat with her for a bit and catch up things (perhaps they could share tea and talk of how the deaths in her life were going), he realized it wasn't the best choice he'd ever made in his life. Her hitting skills were improving though.

**IV. Naraku and Inuyasha**

There was something attractive about liking someone who happened to be the one that caused you to royally screw up every prospect of finding a woman.

He was easy on the eyes, strong, and they had some similarities. Those similarities included Kikyou, Kagome, and that was pretty much it.

This relationship was getting way to stale.

**V. Naraku and Miroku**

"Let's face it, we're both desperate."

"I don't know…Isn't this kind of awkward?"

"You're _looking _at awkward."

"Still…"

"I could get rid of that hellhole in your hand…"

"Deal!"

**VI. Naraku and Kouga**

After Naraku had heard kilts that looked like skirts were in style, he was ecstatic to find out he happened to know a person who was up to date with the latest fashions.

It's just that Kouga wasn't too thrilled about his advances due to the fact that almost his whole pack had perished, no thanks to him.

With deep frustration, Naraku decided he'd just have to write a letter of apology.

_Dear Kouga,_

_Just as an F.Y.I, it was **Kagura** who killed your pack—not me. I'm sorry that our relationship has to come to end just because of some annoying woman. Trust me, I didn't even know her all that much. She was just some weirdo I picked up off the street. Trust me!_

_Love,_

_Naraku_

_Your almost-lover._

They say sometimes you can see a wolf-like human crawl out of a cave.

**VII. Naraku and Sesshoumaru**

Enough said.

**VIII. Naraku and Rin**

Let's just say that back then, pedophilia wasn't a problem.

**IX. Naraku and Naraku**

Times were getting pretty desperate.


End file.
